Don't Close Your Eyes (God Knows What Lies Behind Them)
by WasteNoTime
Summary: AU. For Blaine it was the choice between bullying and being bullied. Kurt didn't have the luxury of choosing. (bully!Blaine and bullied!Kurt; warnings for implied suicide and character death)


Hello, beautiful people! This idea came to me a week or two weeks ago while listening to _Whisper_ by _Evanescence_ (the title of this story is from this song) and I couldn't get rid of it ever since.

There are a few images necessary for a complete reading experience (you may not understand some important things if you don't look at them), unfortunately I couldn't add them here. You can find them here: wastenotimewrites dot tumblr dot com /post/60558117910/images I will put references in the text which image to look at. I'm sorry for inconvenience.

_Warnings: implied suicide and implied character death_

* * *

**41 day until the tragedy**

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It was just another day at McKinley; there was nothing special about it. At least not for Blaine Anderson. He walked into the school building proudly wearing his letterman jacket that showed the world that he was a member of the football team.

Yes, he wore that piece of clothing with pride but only because other students cared about it. If he had a choice, he would take if off and never put it back on again. It wasn't that he didn't like playing football, he just didn't like being in the team. They were all jerks and in order to survive high school Blaine had to be one too.

He wasn't always like that. Only a year ago he was just a shy sophomore, who thought it would be a good idea to come out at his old school. One thing led to another and in the end he transferred to McKinley where nobody knew him. Having learned the lesson of how out and proud teens were treated in a public school Blaine opted to stay in the closet this time.

Initially his plan was to stay low and avoid getting any attention. Unfortunately it only took one gym class for everyone to notice him and especially his skills in the football field. Now he was stuck at the popular kids' table pretending to enjoy their company. There was no way out – if he left then he would be bullied mercilessly for betrayal.

That was the reason why Blaine participated in all activities that his teammates ever took a part in. Games, parties, hanging out were the ones he didn't mind. The worst thing was that his so called friends were bullies. Every single one of them tortured the kids that were unable to defend themselves. Some of them got a slushie or two every other month while others were acknowledged more often. But nobody had it as bad as the Hummel kid, who was the most popular target.

Hummel was the only gay student that was out at McKinley. Blaine admired him for not running away as he did. He also thought the boy was crazy for the same reason. Not to mention that his constant snarky remarks would probably get him killed one day.

Those made him laugh inwardly though. His teammates were so stupid that they never understood that Hummel was making fun of them. He, on the other hand, found them amusing and it was hard for him to keep his face straight.

That Wednesday Blaine didn't see Hummel much. They were both juniors (he had caught a glimpse of his textbooks when they fell into the puddle of slushie one day) but they didn't share any classes. They did have their lockers in the same corridor though. But recently the boy must have found a way to avoid his tormentors.

Unfortunately, he couldn't escape them forever. The football team knew Hummel's timetable pretty well since they had been following him for a long time. It was almost the middle of November so they had enough time to memorise it. That was how they knew when he would be leaving school on that particular day.

They still had a practise after school but according to Karofsky 'they could spare a couple of minutes to remind the resident lady that he didn't own the school'.

Blaine silently watched as Karofsky and Azimio threw Hummel into the dumpster and closed it. They left for practise, all laughing, Blaine not being an exception. His heart ached for Hummel, thinking that it might have been him instead of the poor boy but he wasn't brave enough to stand up for him. Not since he had been through the same thing before.

Later, after practise Blaine stayed behind because he had left his phone in his last class so he was alone when he exited the school. If he had listened closely, he would have heard a muffled cry coming from the dumpster.

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**40 days until the tragedy**

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Blaine saw Hummel the following day when he and Puck went to slushie him. Puck was the only one holding the drink because Blaine got out of it lying about forgetting his wallet at home. He couldn't run away from the act itself though.

Hummel was standing by his locker, trying to get some book for his next class most likely, when the two jocks approached him. Blaine noticed a splint on three of his right hand fingers. The guilt washed him over knowing that he was seriously injured during the toss the day before.

"Hey, pimple," Puck grinned at the boy, "we thought you could use a facial."

"We know you prefer another kind of facial but this will do for now," Blaine forced himself to laugh and Puck threw the drink right into Hummel's face.

They left to their next class snickering.

When Blaine was done for the day he found himself at his locker. But once he opened it something unexpected happened – a small piece of paper fell out of it. He lifted it up from the ground to find a few printed words on it.

_[Image 1]_

Blaine turned the paper in his hands but it had nothing on the other side. It looked like it was cropped out of some bigger text.

"Hey, Anderson, you giving me a ride home today?" Karofsky asked and Blaine quickly put the piece of paper into his locker to avoid questions.

"Don't I ever?" he asked, trying hard not to sound harsh.

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**38** **days until the tragedy**

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It was Saturday and Blaine was sitting by his desk in his bedroom staring at three pieces of paper (he had found two pieces on Friday) in front of him. They were most definitely from the same text but they were in no way connected. He tried googling it to see if maybe they were a part of some story or something but he couldn't find anything. In the end he gave up and put the pieces into a small box, wondering if he was going to get more notes.

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**32** **days until the tragedy**

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Throughout the week Blaine kept getting the little notes. Sometimes he got one a day, sometimes two. They still made no sense but he made sure to take each of them home and try to piece the puzzle together. When he got back home that Friday he already had eleven pieces but he was in no way able to understand what someone was trying to tell him.

After a while he was able to find a couple of matching edges but in the end it was still a mess.

_[Image 2]_

Blaine growled in frustration. It was the last day before the holiday so he wouldn't be getting any notes for at least a week. For the first time he hated Thanksgiving and wished he had to go to school soon.

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**22** **days until the tragedy**

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"What got you happy, Anderson?" Azimio asked Blaine once they met during the first period right after the break. "You becoming a nerd?"

Blaine shrugged. "Being home was boring. You know, meeting aunts and stuff. I'd rather hang out with you, guys, even if it means coming to this hellhole."

"True that," the other jock smiled. "Gonna have fun today. Karofsky said we will toss pimple into the dumpster and then… wait for it… throw slushies on top! Genius, huh?"

Blaine felt as if something solid and cold fell into his stomach. "No wonder he is our leader," he grinned.

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**18** **days until the tragedy**

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Finally it was Friday. It had been long since Blaine was _this_ excited about the weekend but that week was an exception.

At some point Puck mentioned that Hummel wasn't fighting anymore and Blaine started paying closer attention. Puck was right.

Hummel was no longer talking back at the jocks, he wasn't standing up for himself like he used to. Whenever they approached him, his shoulder slumped in defeat but nothing else. He was just _taking it_.

Karofsky and the gang were not happy about the change since torturing Hummel was fun because he was asking for it. Now they were trying hard to come up with new strategies how to get him react. Blaine wasn't looking forward to any of them.

He soon realised that the mystery of the secret note was the only thing keeping him excited about school. He knew he could have spied on the person, who was putting the tiny papers into his locker but it would have ruined the moment when he got to read their confession. He hoped it wasn't a hate letter. At least it didn't look like it when he pieced seventeen notes together, a few of them still having no place.

_[Image 3]_

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**12** **days until the tragedy**

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That night Blaine cried himself to sleep. Whenever he closed his eyes he could see Hummel's tear covered face when his teammates tied him to the flag pole in nothing but his pants and a t-shirt, gagged by his own tie. It was December and the ground was covered in snow. The boy was shaking from both fear and cold.

Blaine had never hated himself more.

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**11** **days until the tragedy**

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Next day Blaine was not surprised to hear Hummel coughing. His eyes were teary, whether from the cold or something else he didn't know. But what stood out was how empty they looked. His face was emotionless, and it made Blaine wonder if he even heard any of the students who were laughing at him.

He wanted to go up to him and apologise, he really did. He just wasn't brave enough.

Just like the mysterious person wasn't brave enough to talk to him. However, it seemed that he or she wanted to tell him things as quickly as they could. That day alone he got three new pieces. When Blaine added them to the old ones once he got home he saw some more of the story shaping up.

_[Image 4]_

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**1** **day until the tragedy**

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Blaine was restless. He didn't get any new piece of the story in a week. It was killing him. Was this person done with him? Or maybe they were just sick like many of McKinley students. It was nearing the end of the year and it was cold so it wouldn't be surprising.

Puck hadn't gone to school for several days because he had a fever and had to miss a game. After the game Karofsky got a runny nose. And it wasn't just jocks.

Blaine hadn't seen Hummel for a while. He only guessed that the boy's condition got worse after the whole flag pole incident. In a way Blaine was glad he wasn't at school because his teammates started a new game of putting snow into someone's pants so they would look like they had peed themselves.

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**The day of the tragedy**

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It was Tuesday when Blaine saw Hummel in the corridor before school started. The boy looked like death – he was pale, his eyes red and hair not styled, which was weird to see. His clothes were hanging on him like bags.

He was trying to make his legs move and go ask the boy if he was alright. Of course he wasn't, he looked awful after all. But he didn't go up to him. After a few seconds of contemplating his decision Blaine turned around and went to his class.

It was a few periods later that Blaine went back to his locker. He was rather excited to see several pieces of paper falling out of his locker once he opened it. He quickly collected them and counted – ten new pieces. He had never gotten that many.

One by one he read them until he reached the last one.

_[Image 5]_

Blaine stared at the words, his mind trying to catch up with what was going on. Before he could even realise what he was doing he was already running out of the school and into his car. With his heart beating rapidly he drove home and ran into his bedroom to put the missing pieces into the letter.

_[Image 6]_

Blaine felt tears swelling in his eyes. Now he wished this was a hate letter. Instead, he got a suicide note.

He felt his phone vibrating in his pocket and he checked it to find a message from Karofsky.

_Karofsky: _Word on the street pimple killed himself. Loser.

Blaine didn't remember much of that day.

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**2 days after the tragedy**

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Blaine felt out of place when he stood in the graveyard with mourning relatives of Hummel._ Kurt_, as he learned from the speeches. There was nobody he knew from McKinley and he wasn't surprised since the boy was always alone.

In his pocket he had the letter Kurt wrote him glued together. Watching the man, who was apparently Kurt's dad, crying over his son's coffin, Blaine contemplating giving it to him. The funeral was nearing the end and he had to make his decision but for some reason he couldn't.

He knew it was the right thing to do but he wanted to keep the letter to himself. It was written for him after all. And Kurt had mentioned he didn't want to say goodbye to his family. Maybe it was for the best if he

* * *

Blaine opened his watery eyes when he heard his boyfriend coming out of the bathroom. He quickly dried the tears that were beginning to escape his eyes.

"Hey, honey, the bathroom is all yours," his boyfriend said.

"Okay, give me a minute," Blaine said and cursed himself for talking – it was obvious from his voice that he was upset.

"What's the matter?" the other boy asked and climbed onto the bed where Blaine was lying.

"Nothing, just me being silly," Blaine smiled at him but his boyfriend gave him a knowing look. "I was just… thinking. And then my mind went crazy. No big deal."

His boyfriend took his hand into his and squeezed. "It's a big deal to me."

Blaine sighed and looked at the ceiling, adamant to not meet the other boy's eyes. "I was just imagining what our lives would have been like if I hadn't helped you out of the dumpster that day."

_Blaine silently watched as Karofsky and Azimio threw Hummel into the dumpster and closed it. They left for practise, all laughing, Blaine not being an exception. His heart ached for Hummel, thinking that it might have been him instead of the poor boy but he wasn't brave enough to stand up for him. Not after he had been through the same thing before. _

_Later, after practise Blaine stayed behind because he had left his phone in his last class so he was alone when he exited the school. He was about to put his headphones on when he heard something. He wasn't of adventurous type but still he followed the sound until it led him to the dumpster. Carefully he raised the metal lid and let it fall. When he looked inside he was shocked by what he found – Hummel was still in there, silently crying._

_"Um, what are you doing here?" Blaine asked, trying to make his voice cold._

_Hummel looked at him with round eyes full of terror. "Please, don't hurt me," he cried and Blaine could see him clutching his hand to his chest._

_"I'm… I won't hurt you… but you should get out," Blaine ordered him harshly._

_"Hurts," Hummel cried even harder._

_Blaine couldn't do it anymore. It was too painful to watch. "What hurts?" he asked after looking around to see if nobody was listening._

_"Hand," Hummel responded. _

_"You don't need a hand to get out of there," Blaine couldn't help but roll his eyes. _

_"Hurts…"_

_It was like talking to a kid who was too upset to even understand what was going on. Blaine looked back to what his brother did when his son got hurt – distracting from pain._

_"Okay, um, think about something else," the jock suggested. "What makes you happy?"_

_Hummel didn't respond, just cried some more. Blaine had an idea but it was crazy and he didn't know if it would work. He had to try though._

_ "I'm coming in, okay?" he warned the boy and dropped his bag onto the ground. Careful not to hurt himself he jumped into the dumpster. "Can you show me what hurts?"_

_Hummel nodded and revealed his right hand. Three of his fingers looked funny, most certainly broken. _

_"We really need to get you to the hospital," Blaine tried to explain him calmly but Hummel only covered his hand again, probably hurting himself even more in the process. "Can you call your dad?"_

_"Left… my phone… at home," Hummel managed in-between his shallow breathing._

_"I have mine. Do you know his number?"_

_Hummel shook his head._

_"Can you just calm down and help me to help you?" Blaine asked impatiently. _

_"Sorry, hurts," the other boy choked and wiped his nose._

_"Focus on me," the jock instructed and inched closer to the boy. _

_Slowly, careful not to startle him, Blaine placed his hand on Hummel's cheek. The boy gasped at the touch but relaxed when he noticed it wasn't hurting him. Blaine ran his thumb over his cheek a little gathering courage for his next move. He wasn't sure if it was a good distraction but maybe it would work. It did work in movies._

_Blaine looked at Hummel's lips and then straight into his eyes. The boy was still crying but his eyes were fixed on him. So far his strategy was working. _

_"I'm going to kiss you now, okay?" he whispered. He saw shock on the boy's face. "Tell me if it's okay."_

_After a couple of seconds Hummel gave him a shaky nod and Blaine closed the distance between them. He had never kissed anyone but the mere touch of the other boy's soft lips told him he would enjoy kissing very much. _

_The kiss ended a few seconds later. It was a close-mouthed kiss of course and it felt nice even without any feelings involved. Afterwards Blaine looked at Hummel to see him a bit more relaxed, distracted from the pain by his mind trying to comprehend what had just happened. _

_"Can I help you out now?" Blaine asked a little breathlessly._

_Hummel nodded at that and the jock quickly jumped out of the dumpster because the other boy could change his mind any second. _

_When he was firmly standing on the ground he extended his hand to Hummel. "Stand up," he said._

_Hummel did as asked and soon Blaine got him out of the dumpster bridal style. He couldn't help but notice how shaky the boy's legs were when he finally stood up next to him._

_"I'll drive you to the hospital, okay?" _

_"My bag," the boy whispered and Blaine fished his bag out of the dumpster. _

_"I'll carry it for you," he said and put two bags on his shoulder._

_Soon they were driving to the hospital. The car smelled badly because of them but Blaine didn't mind – the smell would go away. They were silent during the drive, only Hummel's sniffles filling the silence._

_They entered the hospital together and one of the nurses gave Kurt a form to fill. They sat down to do the task._

_"Are you right-handed?" Blaine asked when he saw the boy hesitating. He nodded. "I'll help you out. Okay, last name Hummel, first name… uh…"_

_"Kurt, with a K" the boy said._

_"Of course, I knew it, just making sure," Blaine lied and wrote down the information._

_They continued with the basic information, Kurt telling Blaine his medical history._

_"Any allergies?" _

_"Food colouring," the boy admitted._

_"Food… What?" Blaine looked at him with shock. "But the shushies…"_

_Kurt shrugged, considerably more calm now. "That's why my face is red most of the time… and that's why I have so many pimples… It's not deadly on my skin so I just try not to swallow any."_

_"Oh," Blaine managed but didn't say anything._

_When they finished with the form he gave it to the nurse and she assured him she would call Kurt's emergency contact as soon as she could._

_He went back to Kurt to give him the news. They sat for a couple of minutes in silence. _

_"You can leave, you know," Kurt said rubbing his eyes with his left hand._

_Blaine took his hand. "Don't rub your eyes, it will only get worse," he said and laced their fingers together. "I won't say I'm sorry because words are empty but if you give me a chance I'd like to earn your forgiveness one day."_

_Kurt looked at him unsure. "You were always the nicest of the jocks but I don't think I could be friends with any of you."_

_"Fair enough, I didn't expect you to. But since you are my first kiss I'd love to get to know you if you want that too."_

_"Can I ask you a question?" Kurt asked and Blaine nodded. "Are you gay?"_

_"What gave me away?" Blaine giggled. "Yes, I am. I was out in my old school but it didn't work out well…"_

_"Oh," the boy said and was silent for a moment. "It was my first kiss too."_

_"You must hate me even more now," Blaine sighed and ran his thumb over Kurt's hand. "Just another thing to add to the list of horrible things I did to you."_

_"It wasn't horrible," Kurt said and a light blush appeared on his face. "I kind of liked it."_

_"I kind of liked it too," Blaine smiled at him. "You have soft lips."_

_For the first time Kurt smiled at him. "Maybe you could give me your number and… maybe I would text you one day…"_

_"Of course," Blaine hurried to get his notebook out. He wrote down his number and gave the page to Kurt. "Text me any time. Even if it's late."_

_"Okay," Kurt said and pocketed the piece of paper. _

_"I promise I will never hurt you again," Blaine said with sincerity. "I won't be that jerk anymore."_

_Kurt only smiled at him and they heard his name being called._

_"It's my dad," Kurt said and stood up._

_"I guess I'll be going then," Blaine said. "Take care."_

"Oh honey, we have been through this hundreds of times," Kurt sighed. "Don't you think it's time to move on?"

Blaine rolled onto his side and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's body, inhaling his scent deeply. "I know it is but it still keeps haunting me…"

"Listen to me. I just moved to New York with my boyfriend, whom I love with my whole heart, and I'll be a student of NYADA in just a week. I'm living a dream and I don't need to be reminded of the past nightmares. And neither do you. What's in the past stays in the past, okay? You more than made up to me in the last two years. Let's focus on the future together."

"I like the sound of that," Blaine whispered letting his tears escape. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Kurt smiled and kissed him gently, just the way they kissed the first time.

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AN: I hope you liked it. Let me know!


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